Verbal Judo for Handling a Bully by John Nottingham, EPS, 6th Degree Black Belt, founder The Arizona Bullying Intervention Initiative - The Phoenix Bully Prevention Project
http://bullyproofingarizona.blogspot.com/
Over the years I developed a highly effective five step method for handling bullies-and it has worked every time in over twenty years of teaching it. I have been bullied and know what it feels like... it stinks. Here are some strategies I teach if the bullying behavior has yet to become physical.
Flip It Around
Judo comes from Jujitsu and specializes in using ones energy against them. In martial arts, science, leverage and strategy are used to give smaller, weaker individuals the power to defend themselves against bigger, often stronger attackers.
Do a Verbal and Emotional Flip!
This lesson applies to not only the physical aspects of martial arts, but in other areas as well. You can use it if someone tries to bully you with words or emotions. Instead of turning energy from a shove into flipping them to the ground, you can use the energy of their words to flip it into something funny or make it a boring flop.
Instead of fighting fire with fire, try using water! Never return insults or show emotional upset because that only gives the bully behavior the reaction they wanted and fuel to do more.
Bully behavior can come from kids and adults in school, work and social settings where people get together. Having strong social skills, confidence and a sense of humor can go a long way in disarming this unwanted bully behavior early before it ever escalates.
What is Bullying?
Bullying is a display of power.
"Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strength." -Eric Hoffer
Should I fight back? Yes and No
YES! Fight back by being so busy working on yourself you don't have time for their rudeness. Build yourself mentally, physically and emotionally. That's just one of the reasons I love the traditional martial arts. It does all these things! But NO, I do not recommend fighting back physically unless it is a last resort and you cannot escape in any other way. Nobody has the right to damage your body. Even then, in most situations you should only do enough to escape.
My favorite way of handling a bully is to make them a friend. This is the first step. At least try to make them an ally.
Who is mighty? One who can make enemies into friends. This holds great power.
Physically fighting back can have serious unwanted consequences and usually leads to more problems. Walking away usually fuels the bully behavior by inadvertently giving permission to their behavior. It can also leave a lot of damaging emotional scars, escalating and perpetuating more harassment.
Show Confidence and Inner Strength
Most bullies don't like confidence because they don't feel good about themselves. Instead of being rude, try being clever, funny and showing inner-strength in unique ways. Developing these social skills go long way in being a harder target and you will find that you are less likely to be the target of bullying behavior.
Humor takes away the power of bullying, "Yeah, that ones so old I heard it in DayCare!"
Role play the your favorite lines, or make up your own. Look them right in the eye. Remember, comebacks are not insults. Don't stoop down to that level or you might invite more problems. Remain calm and say:
- "Are you talking to me?"
- "That means nothing to me."
- "That was low."
- "Whatever."
- "Why do you say things like that?"
- "Feel better about yourself now?"
- "Feel special now?"
- "Again??? Are you that bored?
- "I hope nobody ever does this to you."
- "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time."
- "Sorry, my spam inbox is full."
- "That's kind of funny but enough now OK."
- "Thats cruel. You can stop now."
- "Been there, done that. It's old now."
- "Why are you acting like a bully? You're so much better than this."
Practice saying it with confident body language, proper timing, clear voice, and then rise above it and move on to something as if it wasn't a big deal.
I posted lots more bully resources in this blog. Feel free to get ideas and develop your plan. Above all, take heart and know that other people care and can help you!
_________________
John Nottingham is a recognized expert in personal protection, author, consultant, speaker and a founder of Nottingham Security -Scottsdale Bodyguards- and the USA Martial Arts chain of schools. He resides in Scottsdale Arizona USA and provides professional consultation and training, products, and services related to self-defense, personal security and physical conditioning. A bodyguard, law enforcement and military trainer, he is certified Executive Protection Specialist (EPS).
He has trained in martial arts for over 25 years including Taekwondo, Hapkido, Jujitsu, Aikido, FMA/Arnis, Jeet Kune Do, Kickboxing, Kyusho-Jitsu, Krav Maga, Wushu Kung Fu, Shamrock Submission Fighting, and weaponry. He developed his own integrative MMA or mixed martial arts curriculum designed for the average person to use for self defense and a healthy lifestyle. In his chain of martial arts schools, he and his staff teach men, women and children of all ages self defense and practical martial arts skills in a fun and exciting manner.
Master Nottingham also served honorably in a USAR Military Intelligence Det. of a Special Forces (Airborne) unit where he developed a unique hand to hand combat course for Special Operations Military forces.
* Credit for Verbal Judo to G. Thompson. Who is mighty definition: Dave Kovar
