School Bullying - How To Handle Bullying in 5 Steps

A Practical Tip Guide for Bullying Prevention for Kids, School Teachers and Parents

Endorsed by The Phoenix BullyProof Project, The Bullying Prevention Initiative International, USA Martial Arts 

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Bullying can be rough!  Teasing, taunting, exclusion, manipulation and ongoing threats can truly hurt.  That is why it is so important to counter the negative with positive.  Here are some proven tips to turn around bullying.

Support & Empathy For The Bullied
The most important step in handling bullying is to be supportive.  That is to truly listen to a child and empathize with their feelings so they can feel safe and understood.  Children need a place and relationships to feel safe and loved.  This is best done by parents but can also be done by a caring mentor, teacher, relative or friend.

Bullying Dynamics - The Investigation
The next fundamental key is to do some investigation and understand the problem, facts, perspectives and all of it's dynamics.  Is this normal childhood teasing?  Is this normal childhood aggression?  How can we best help our child learn to put things in context?  These are all important parts of creating the best solution for your child to feel safe, confident and equipped for life.

Life's Not Fair and Bullying Exists
Clearly establish that the notion of 'fairness' is a detrimental path.  Life isn't fair.   People and situations are not always fair and that notion leads many people down a path of victim-hood and pain.  The sooner we accept the way things are, no better - no worse, the quicker we can focus on practical solutions.  That doesn't exclude the importance of making things better, it simply gives us a foundation from which to improve.

Bullying Solution = Love is Greater Than Hate
Next establish the important idea that love is greater than hate.  Love yourself enough to keep healthy, happy and calm in the midst of life's storms.  Love yourself enough to get tools, resources and set healthy boundaries.  Avoid hate because it escalates situations and makes them worse.  Love is the foundation for peace, friendships and forgiveness.  Forgiveness (not forgetting) lays a foundation for reconciliation or at least mutual respect and a happier life.

Buddies - Not Bullies 
Encourage friendship.  The person with the most friends usually wins.  Having friends is safer and better all the way around.  The most powerful person of all can turn enemies into friends.   Try consistent kindness, despite (and specifically in response to) cruelty.  It is very difficult to continually be cruel to someone who is kind to us.

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Bullying Victimhood - Don't Give Your Power Away
Our power is that we have the ability to choose how we receive something - how we put it into context.  We can let it better us or belittle us.  We can let it bounce off of us or bang into us.  We can choose to dismiss it or give it great weight.  This much is our choice.  We can even pity the other person.

Hurting people hurt others.  When we see their sadness and bad behavior, we can see that is more of a reflection of how they are hurting and lashing out, not as who we are.  We can be glad we are not like them but compassionate toward a hurting fellow human being.

Bullying Solution - The Opposite Game
Try the opposite game.  When someone attacks you with fire, you want to be water.  So when someone attacks you with hate, you can respond with compassion.  When attacked with bitterness, you can respond with genuine hope.  When attacked with envy, you can respond with understanding and generosity.  When attacked with taunting, you can respond with humor.

Bullying Block - You Are Not Others Opinion of You 
Help children understand that other people's opinions do not determine their worth.  Your values make you.  Your actions based on those values will become your reputation.  You have to think about the long game of life.  Play it so that you are proud of the choices you make.  You're not responsible for the choices others make - only the choices you make.  Make good ones!  You're worth it.  Be proud of who you are at the end of the day.

Bullying Help
If in the rare event that these things don't work after repeated tries, then you will need to move on to the next stage of setting crystal clear boundaries using voice and body language.  Assertion competence is needed.  Practice (role play) saying, "STOP!" and showing strong confident body language.  Square up, put your hands up, take a stance, shoulders back, chest up, direct intense eye contact.  Keep calm and be direct.

Bullying - Be Resourceful 
If the behavior continues after this point, it is time to get resourceful and get reinforcements.  Tell parents, teachers and mentors about the problem and have them give you tips.  Together, you will find good solution to make a positive outcome.

Bully Buster - Common Sense Before Self Defense
Last resort is to protect yourself.  Nobody has the right to abuse  you.  Protect yourself and escape to safety.


For more information on bullying, school talks, bullying prevention or resources contact http://USA-MartialArts.com or John Nottingham at BullyProofVestAZ@gmail.com.   

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“Stranger Danger” Lessons Alone Don't Protect Children Part Two

“Stranger Danger” Lessons Alone
Don't Protect Children 
Part Two

“Parents can teach about personal safety without causing unwarranted fear,” says Dr. Broughton.

What to teach instead:

• Children should know their name, address and phone number (with area code) so, if lost, they can be reunited with their family. Older children should know parents' work numbers.



• Away from home, older children should always be with a friend, always tell an adult where they will be, and say “no” if they feel threatened or uncomfortable.



• Children need to know that appropriate strangers – store clerks or police officers – can offer assistance if they are lost or need help.



• Parents need to listen, and respect their children's feelings. Children can sense unease in inappropriate relationships. They'll likely share their concerns if parents routinely take all of their concerns in life seriously rather than downplaying or shaming them.



• Children need to know that they do not need to kiss, hug, touch or sit on the lap of anyone, relative or not, if they do not wish to. This respect for their wishes translates into self–respect and the ability for children to say no to unwanted contacts without generating fear.



• Parents need to supervise children who use the Internet. Although still relatively uncommon, the practice of pedophiles and child molesters approaching children on the Internet is occurring more frequently.



• Parents need to keep reinforcing safety messages through middle school and high school. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, most victims of nonfamily abductions were 12 years or older (58 percent). Most were girls (65 percent).



• Parents should realize the limitations of participating in programs where children are fingerprinted or otherwise identified. These programs can frighten children and raise fears in adults without giving perspective on the real nature or risk of abduction.



• Parents should keep on hand a high–quality recent photo of each child, such as a school photo. Law enforcement officials consider photos the best tool in finding missing children.



• Parents should promptly report a missing child. The Amber Plan, the national program to immediately flood a region with news of an abduction, is credited with helping to recover more than 130 children since it started two years ago.

“None of these safety approaches needs to be taught specifically as safeguarding against abductions – with all its overtones of danger and threat,” says Dr. Broughton. “Instead, safety should be taught as common sense so children can learn confidence and independence.”

Statistics:
Non-Family Abductions

• In 1999, more than 50,0000 children and adolescents were taken by nonfamily members by physical force or coercion for at least one hour.



• Ninety–one percent of non–family abductions lasted less than a day, with 29 percent lasting two hours or less.



• Classic non–family kidnappings pose the greatest risk of death or serious harm. About 100 children were kidnapped by non–family members in 1999.
  (Source: U.S. Department of Justice National Incidence Studies of Missing, Abducted, Runaway, and Thrownaway Children, 2002)

Family Abductions

• 203,900 children each year are victims of family abductions, where the child is taken by a non–custodial parent.



• 24 percent of these abductions lasted one week to one month. Police were contacted in 60 percent of the cases.
  (Source: U.S. Department of Justice National Incidence Studies of Missing, Abducted, Runaway, and Thrownaway Children, 2002)

Is your child going to become the next statistic?

Now is the time to do something. It only takes an instant for a child to be injured, abducted or to become the next statistic. You need to empower your children with “Powerful knowledge, skills & experiences” to help them learn that they do have the ability to protect themselves and stay safe.

Child safety doesn’t happen by accident.You need to empower your children with “Powerful knowledge, skills & experiences” to help them learn that they do have the ability to protect themselves and stay safe. Child safety is very much about Empowerment, it is imperative that you find ways to build your child’s confidence. Find programs and activities that are designed to build their confidence and self-esteem everyday.One of the best choices for building a child’s confidence and self-esteem is professional martial arts training. These programs are designed to help a child learn and develop special important, life saving self-defense skills while at the same time building their confidence and self-esteem. Consider enrolling your child today in one of these programs as one step to keeping your child safe everyday no matter where they are or what they are doing.

USA Martial Arts Paradise Valley
Specialists at building self-esteem and confidence!

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