Saturday, April 7, 2012

Bulling Secret Kid Code: "Bullying is bad but telling is worse"

Kids Tell Me Why They Allow Bullying.  Want to Know the Answer?
Free Bullying Prevention Workshops and Guide By John Nottingham's USA Martial Arts & Kickboxing Phoenix & Nottingham Sword & Shield Security Bodyguards as part of the Arizona Bullying Prevention Project.

Over the years of being a target of bullying, clawing my way out and helping thousands of others do the same, I have a particular perspective with bullies, bullying and bystanders.  Once I am able to build a relationship of trust with my students I ask the children or teens why they don't tell when they are being bullied.

Here's what they say...

Bullied Tween: "Bullying is better than telling." 
They tell me that they put up with it because bullying is better than telling.  They feel or have experienced that if and when they tell that the bullying gets worse.  In some cases that is not true, however, for many of them it is.

Bullied Child: "I'd rather be bullied than caught tattling." 
In my own experience, I didn't want to tell because it did make things worse.  I also saw how my father over - reacted.  It made me feel like a failure as his son.  Now I know that it was just his love for me and misguided attempt at protecting me.  For the most part, he wasn't angry at me but rather the situation.

Bullied Teen:  "Being bullied is better than ratting.  It's just the rule of cool in school" 
To be frank though, my Dad did carry a bit of disapproval that I wasn't standing up for myself like he would have.  I could see it and feel it.  The fact that I was being bullied also embarrassed my brothers that I was such a pansy I couldn't handle my business.  I just didn't have a mean or violent bone in my body and couldn't bear the thought of harming someone or getting in trouble.  I also didn't want my peers seeing me as a tattle tale or rat, who got them in trouble.  I wanted my family, teachers and peers to like, or at least respect me.  In my kid way of thinking (victim mindset), it seemed easier to take the abuse and keep things manageable.  I was wrong, but that was my uninformed thinking at that time in my life.

Reasons Kids Don't Tell About Bullying
  • Overreaction of parents, teachers or coaches
  • Have been ignored in the past "It doesn't do any good."
  • Unwanted attention (Make an embarrassing fuss)
  • Loss of respect and/or acceptance of peers
  • Feeling of failure
  • Afraid of retribution and consequences
  • Don't want to get in trouble
  • Don't want to get other kids in serious trouble
  • Fear from threats, intimidation
  • Fear of disappointing parents, teachers, others
  • Don't want to admit that it bothers them as much as it does 
  • Feel even less accepted and like something is wrong with them when they have to acknowledge it or talk about it
  • Past experiences taught them it makes bullying get worse
  • Loss of respect and dignity in others eyes
We'll help you find your voice, your power and your ability to protect yourself with dignity.
For most children and teens it is about peer acceptance and survival.  They have to live in a kids world where they are forced into structured environments where they struggle to fit in.   Additionally I find out that they do not want to feel weak or whiny - some of the same feelings I had when I was their age.  The drive to be accepted is so great that they weigh the abuse and choose to take it.

Help is Available When You're Ready
In order for this to change, several things need to take place.  It starts with changing the psychology, mindset and belief system of the targeted individual.  Of course there is much more to it than that, but it is the foundation from which everything else is built.  Not only do I have personal experience with it, I've helped thousands of others as well.  There is hope for you or your child to move from bullying target/victim to victor.

If you want to learn more about how to effectively treat bullying, stop victimization and end bullying permanently then you'll want to join us on Facebook or get in touch with us right away.  Many of the resources and information are free.  We can also recommend successful bullying prevention programs.

I'm offering my help to you or your child.  USA Martial Arts & Kickboxing Phoenix is offering free bullying prevention training and a guide.  Simply contact us at and provide your contact information.  We promise to handle the situation with discretion, confidentiality, respect and preserve you or your child's dignity.  We're on your side and have lots of experience.

Don't give up!  You're worth fighting for,

John Nottingham
Bullying Prevention Specialist
Bullying Prevention Initiative International  BPII Facebook
Arizona BullyProof Project  ABPP Facebook

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